TL;DR Reviews: Chevrolet Impala - "FWD? WTF?"

"Ross Kraz" (ropstafer)
05/16/2016 at 11:42 • Filed to: TL;DR Reviews, TL;DR, Chevrolet Impala, Chevy Impala, Impala

Welcome to !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! ! This is the place where you can learn useful information about a car faster than you can name all five members of *NSYNC, which is a completely useless thing to know. Today’s car comes from the same neomodern, boy-band-crazed era, but is it any good?

Photo from car.mitula.us

What is it? 2000 Chevrolet Impala. Y2K was the beginning of the 8th generation and the blasphemous use of the legendary name that dates to 1958. Why? Because it was the first front wheel drive Impala, it was the first to not offer a V8, it did away with the iconic triple taillights, and it was essentially a newer generation of the Lumina that Chevy’s sales department stuck an Impala badge onto.

This particular subject is the base model with a 4 speed auto mounted to a transverse 3.4L engine that !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . It produced 180 horsepower/205 pound-feet, not that you would notice because it lumbers to 60 MPH in 9.5 seconds.

Photo from GTcarlot.com

Pros: comfortable; spacious; seats 6 (base model only); parts are cheap; styling isn’t terrible; is a column shifter a Pro?

Photo from GTcarlot.com

Cons: rust; rattles; low nose scrapes on everything; some people still think you are an undercover cop; purists know that you are in an abomination

Recommendation: Actually, it’s not that bad. This Impala is very different from its roots, but Chevrolet did succeed in giving it some of the same old Impala spirit. It is a large, cushy boat that just loves to cruise down the highway and eat up the miles.

Photo from WGNS Radio

For more information, check out !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

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DISCUSSION (14)

Urambo Tauro > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 12:11

If you’re going to make a car that’s so fundamentally different that the engine is sideways and powers the wrong wheels, it doesn’t count as a new generation of an existing car. It’s a completely new car altogether. ( Sound familiar? )

I’m not saying that the car shouldn’t exist; I’m saying that the naming is all screwed up. THAT CAR should have been given a new name, not “Impala”. The current “SS” is the car that should have inherited the title instead. And don’t even get me started on the Lumina Carlo ...

DynamicWeight > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 12:19

Column shifter is absolutely a pro. Why oh why is all that oh so valuable space between the driver and the passenger ever used for an automatic transmission gear selector!? Prime real estate that is used exactly twice when you drive. It should be cup holders, storage, or another seat. Most especially when there is no stick shift version of the car and the transmission is stuck in the engine compartment.

Smallbear wants a modern Syclone, local Maple Leafs spammer > Urambo Tauro
05/16/2016 at 12:29

I would argue it depends on the car. With the Corvette, I agree. It’s defining feature is the fact that it’s a RM smashing FM car. The Impala was a higher performing version of something else as far as I know. Therefore, the Impala should have been called the Caprice, as the Caprice was just a big comfy car and nothing else. Then, when the Impala SS came along that’s fine, call it an Impala even if it’s wrong wheel drive, but the regular one should have been a Caprice.

Basically what I’m saying is, I don’t care how fundamentally different it is, it counts as a new generation as long as it fits the same USP. With the Corvette, that’s a FM car that’s a RM dragon slayer, along the lines of the 911. The Impala was supposed to be have practical roots but be more interesting, more fun. The Caprice was just a regular comfy full size. It would have nothing to carry forward but being a good family car. For the Corolla, it’s being a boring, reliable DD. And so on. As long as the USP doesn’t change, I don’t care if they change to FWD, AWD, 4WD or even jet propulsion (as long as that wasn’t a vital ingredient in the USP).

Ross Kraz > Urambo Tauro
05/16/2016 at 12:44

I agree with you completely. It was just a marketing scheme. Technically speaking, it should have been a Lumina. Or a Celebrity. But that wouldn’t sell as well.

Ross Kraz > DynamicWeight
05/16/2016 at 12:46

It’s especially stupid when they put a console and shifter in today’s trucks.

DynamicWeight > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 12:59

Kinja'd!!!

Even the column shifter seems outdated. Why isn’t it a button or a little switch? This is actually something the second gen prius shifter got right. Of course, in newer models it’s not nearly as good and has migrated down closer to the “traditional” spot. So frustrating!

Urambo Tauro > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 13:18

Automakers do a lot of weird stuff with names. The name “Lumina APV” was bad enough; dropping the minivan’s APV designation made things even more confusing.

And then there’s Ford, who was right to bring the Taurus nameplate back, but later decided to assign it to a full-size car. I wonder if this was done to trick Taurus buyers into buying more car than they planned to...

What’s next, a compact Dart successor named the “Dakota”?

Ross Kraz > DynamicWeight
05/16/2016 at 13:42

I have a Ram with the 8 speed FCA dial shifter. Takes some getting used to. And then when I drive other cars, I almost put my hand through the dash reaching for a dial that isn’t there.

Question: What’s B for?

Ross Kraz > Urambo Tauro
05/16/2016 at 13:50

Probably the opposite so they can keep reviving terrible car names. A small truck named “Aspen”, based on the Grand Cherokee platform. Of course, the Cherokee is the same name but has a totally different platform that will give us a new small SUV called the “Colt"

DynamicWeight > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 13:52

Oooooooooo, I had to look up pictures but that dial shifter is sweet. Love the 4WD buttons too.

Answer: No one knows...

Nibbles > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 13:54

Counterpoints:

In its second generation the Lumina (and its sister the Monte Carlo) were known as showcases of everything that was wrong with GM at the time. Anyone who thinks that this Impala is bland should take a look at its predecessor, remind themselves that “yes, this is a thing that existed and people purchased” and feel good that GM gave the world this drastically improved, sleeker, more spacious and comfortable car. And not only that they gave it to us, but that they put the Lumina name out to pasture.

That being said, the only ties to the Impala and the Lumina is the W-body platform. At least this one wasn’t a simple re-badge like the ‘94-’96 “Impala SS” Caprice. Yes, I know there was more that went into that speedbarge, however it was still a Caprice no matter how you shook it. This Impala not only didn’t share any panels with other GM marques, it didn’t share any panels with its Monte Carlo stablemate.

That’s where the Impala shone. It put a difference between it and the Monte. They sold in droves, from bench-seated, 3100-powered base sedans to leather-appointed and 3800 Series II-powered LS models. The 3800 was no slouch either. With 200 hp and 240 lb-ft, it would scoot this sedan 0-60 in 7.6 seconds. Some have reported highway economy in the low 30s, I myself saw an average of 33MPG on a 75-mph road trip.

The biggest piece of blasphemy, as others would put it, came in 2004 with the introduction of the Impala SS. This front wheel drive, supercharged-V6 was called the antithesis of the SS badge. But was it? Really? No, it really wasn’t. It handled very well (“for a FWD boat” you say? No, it actually handled quite well). It had an understated yet slightly menacing look. It was faster than the vaunted 1996 SS. And it got better fuel economy.

Was the 2000-2005 Impala a bad car? No. Was it bland? Well, it could be, depending on your trim level. Was it slow? No, not for its time and its weight. Especially no for the SS.

Nibbles > Urambo Tauro
05/16/2016 at 14:02

So fundamentally different from what, the vehicle that was killed in 1985? The Impala hadn’t been an existing car for fifteen years. The ‘94-96 was nothing more than a package over the Caprice.

And yes, get started about the Lumina Carlo. It’s the Lumina Carlo’s fault this generation of W-Body car was called Impala - its predecessor was such an enormous failure that the name had to be killed. Along with its predecessor, the Celebrity.

Say what you will, the 2000 Impala opened doors for GM. Its success (and it was a success) brought forth the nicely appointed and sprightly Impala SS (yes it was faster than its ‘96 predecessor), the Cobalt and HHR SS, and kept GM at least partially afloat during those “troublesome” years

Ross Kraz > Nibbles
05/16/2016 at 14:22

Hey, I agree with you. That’s kind of the point I was going for that, while not perfect, it was a step in the right direction. I have nothing against the car itself. It does look pretty good and drives fine. Slightly peeved that they used the name on it, but oh well.

Counter-counterpoints, though, just for fun:

0-60 in 7.6 is fun (with a stick), but this is a 3400 with 16 years on it. What’s the RCR quote? It doesn’t accelerate, it advances .

My boat comment was more about its weight and size and the way it absorbs bumps in the road, not the handling. Again, though, it wasn’t a dig. I like big cars.

Best daily combined MPG I’ve seen (it’s my fiancé’s car) is 25.

Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious > Ross Kraz
05/16/2016 at 22:25

Locks the CVT to a higher torque band and removes engine charging. Designed for long uphill drives that suck the battery dry quickly. The computer will still try to use the motor to both move the car and put some charge to the battery in Drive, which slows it to a crawl on an incline. I don’t know what ‘B’ stands for, but once the battery is out, the motor just powers the wheels.

Then you crest the mountain/hill and ride the brake all the way down, recharging the battery in about a mile, while the engine is shut off. ^_^

(My most recent ex loves her Prius. I loved her despite this. And she never hesitates to remind me that I bought a Toyota when I replaced the Miata. *sigh*)